YES — ALL MEN
*TW — MENTION OF RAPE, SEXUAL ASSAULT*
‘I was going for a run. They clearly took it the wrong way’
I was chased home from school by a man when I was 8 years old, accompanied by my slightly older friend. My dad had to help us as my friend and I hid behind a car, because we were too vulnerable, he gaslit us and made us feel like we had made the whole thing up, because a 65-year-old man running in jeans and suede boots picking up his pace as soon as he saw us getting away from him seems completely normal right? I knew not to talk to strangers, but I was never told the dangers of MEN.
I am 10. A van pulls up. I am cat-called. The van followed my friend and I down a path barely wide enough to fit the van they were driving and tried to get us to ‘catch a lift’, telling us how pretty we were and that we were ‘too gorgeous’ to walk all the way home. The overwhelming feeling of fear was disgusting.
I knew not to talk to strangers.
I am 14. I’m on the way home from school. A man follows me from the station to my final stop.
I knew not to talk to strangers.
I am 16. I’m at a party. My ‘friend’ groped me, as part of a sick game he was playing to see how many girls he could touch inappropriately in an hour. All the women he groped trusted him. I thought I could trust him.
This isn’t a rare occurrence for women — people we trust, and think are our close friends or even significant others can switch and become malicious, become forceful. It’s not fair that women can’t even form stable relationships without the underlying fear of what if that person turns around and becomes evil? What if the man they’re falling for presenting a façade to get their trust and all they want to do is rape them, or worse, kill them?
I was groped again age 19, at a nightclub. I knew to cover my drink, ‘just in case’. I knew to not wear something too short or too revealing, and he still felt like he had the right to grab me and walk off as if nothing had happened.
I am 20. Even driving to university, I don’t feel safe. Having to lock my doors in case my door handles get tugged on by homeless people or even just people passing by, preparing for the worst at all times and avoiding eye contact with everyone I see out of fear.
The offenders? All men.
Like all women, I have become numb to this. Catcalling is seen as an everyday occurrence. We know to carry keys just in case we are approached by a man on the way home, to not wear short dresses otherwise we know we will be asking for it. We know not to drink too much, otherwise we will be asking for it. We know to wear trainers, not heels, to make sure we can run away from a potential threat; to be kind to any man that speaks to us — out of fear they will get angry if we say we aren’t interested.
How has this become the norm for women? What can be done about it?
The idea of a male only curfew was thrown around to make men realise how ridiculous it is to put the pressure on women to change their everyday lives to avoid being sexually assaulted or killed. Of course, the reaction was entirely negative and incredibly misogynistic, victim blaming and slut shaming women and girls and claiming that men are ‘too important’ to be kept indoors from 6pm. Notice how there wasn’t this reaction when the UK was in a nationwide lockdown where we weren’t allowed outside except for our 1 hour walk — only when women stand up for themselves is when the women-hating ‘men’ crawl out from their holes and wreak havoc.
Obviously, this didn’t happen, men weren’t put under a curfew and rapists walked free in the streets. Considering one in three women in the UK will experience domestic abuse in her lifetime and women are more likely to be killed by a partner than a stranger — it’s not like keeping men inside would keep women safe.
Women and girls are being spiked every day in every nightclub in the country and the reaction? Stay at home. Don’t go out, and you won’t get spiked. Victim blaming is the easy way out for the authorities to cover their backs, as opposed to full body searching everyone that enters the clubs to find the few that are bringing in dirty needles full of infected blood or drugs to inject into women’s arms, backs, legs — any exposed skin they can find. Universities and schools post a single ‘how to tell if your drinks have been spiked’ to check the boxes that they’re ‘doing the best they can’ to help. It’s appalling and laughable that this is the approach to innocent young girls, in most cases freshly 18, experiencing their first night out in a club and coming home unable to move their legs and in need of immediate medical help. Why has society become a huge space to hate women? Why is it never don’t spike, or don’t rape, it’s always don’t wear that, don’t go there, don’t say no.
It’s a revolving door of victim blaming and slut-shaming and never finding a solution.
Excuses are always made at the expense of a woman’s life.
Instead of making women hide away, cover their drinks, stay in groups at all times — how about educating young boys? Husbands even? Why are young boys never taught how to respect women in school? The issue is not women, it’s men. Young girls and adults are constantly under scrutiny for what happens to them, blamed for their skirt choice, their underwear choice.
Why aren’t boys taught NOT TO RAPE WOMEN?
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*USEFUL LINKS TO THOSE SUFFERING OR HAVE SUFFERED — YOU ARE NOT ALONE — you are more than what has happened to you*
National Domestic Abuse Helpline — 0808 2000 247 — www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/
The Mix, free information and support for under 25s in the UK — 0808 808 4994
National LGBT+ Domestic Abuse Helpline — 0800 999 5428 (run by Galop)
Safe Link — 0333 323 1543
Rape Crisis national freephone helpline — 0808 802 9999
there is NO shame in not wanting to contact the police, that is your decision. An alternative is contacting your nearest Sexual assault referral centres (SARCs) — they offer medical, practical and emotional support, and they have specially trained doctors, nurses and support workers to care for you.
You are not, and will never be, alone.
